If I cuss will I go to hell?

There is some power in it, the words you use. Especially when it comes to profanity. It’s taboo, nice people don’t cuss, especially women. I can assure you now that if you are like me you are probably very nice, a woman and guess what nice people do cuss.There are times when using EFT that a feeling so strong comes up that a simple damn just won’t cut it. The emotion, the pain, the feeling may need something a little stronger if you know what I mean. It happens and as far as I’m concerned, it’s a good thing.

In answer to the query above the answer is, No. Look I believe in God, Jesus, Buddha, universal life force, higher self, higher power all of it. There’s a saying in Al-Anon that “The only thing you need to know about God is your not it.” I do believe we are connected to a higher power. Whether it is separate from ourselves, for me is still in question. However I do not for one moment believe that we will go to hell period and certainly not over a word. They are merely words, but there is a release in them. Some sort of power, as I said before. I can’t describe it an unless you have experienced it yourself it is hard to describe. If you have not I highly suggest it.

I can remember going into my room at age 6 and taking a tape recorder and saying every cuss word my 6 yr old mind could think of into that thing. I felt powerful in doing it. My mom later found it and I got in trouble. I did it shortly after sexual abuse had started with my then boy babysitter and a cousin of mine. I had started wetting the bed which is typical reaction to sexual abuse. My mother would yank me out of bed most mornings angrily. Order me into the shower. Rip the sheets off my bed in a rage or sometimes she’d make me change them and go into a tirade. When she finally got fed up with that routine she started putting me in diapers. She would have me go to the store with her while she would angrily try to figure out which ones would fit a 6 year old body while complaining about the price.

At the time we lived in a condo complex outside of Los Angeles in a town called Canoga park. The place was always full of kids playing outside. After all it was California everyday was a nice day. We would unload the groceries and she would make me carry the diapers. I can remember one dreadful day where the kids that lived across from us were out playing and the son yelled out, “What are the diapers for?” I could have died. My mother in turn replied with a smirk on her face, “They’re for Anne.” The kids burst out in laughter while my 6 yr old self in horror rushed to our door as quickly as possible. I did not mutter a word but it cut me to the core.

Later that day after dinner a group of the neighborhood kids came to our door. My mother opened and they asked“ Is Anne here?” My mom called me to the door and as I stood there the kids began to sing a “diaper commercial song,” as they all laughed. I turned to leave and shut the door and my mom stopped it with her hand and had me stand there while the continued  until the song was finished. I can remember it like it was yesterday. Then that night, the same as all the nights that I had to wear diapers, my mom would lie me down on the bed and angrily diaper me like a baby, It was humiliating. My mother was cruel.

I was 6 years old, being sexually abused and not understanding why I was being coerced into doing things no 6 yr old should ever do, by two people I trusted and looked up to. I was humiliated, not knowing what was happening to my body or why the hell I was wetting the bed every night. In my mothers eyes it seemed I was a defective and a bother. I got the message very clearly that something was wrong with me. I was blessed in many ways and had it far better than many, but my mom was cruel and there are some situations when tapping on memories where, “damn” just won’t cut it. This is one of those instances. Sometimes you just need something more powerful than that.

Now, if my narcissistic mother were to read this she would deny it ever happened or that I somehow exaggerated it. As would your narcissistic parent I’m sure if you dared to disclose any of the pain they have caused. I can assure though that it did. The resulting tears and incredible pain that surfaced just in writing this resulted in me having to pause to take some time to do some tapping to release the intense pain I was feeling from recalling all of these very painful memories. The tapping I did include some very colorful words, including this F****** pain and humiliation through an entire round. This is an example of a time that “fricken” just wasn’t going to cut it. So go on do some writing, see what comes up and take some time to tap and by all means do some cussing. I won’t tell and I promise you won’t get in trouble for it, unless your in your office at work or something, please don’t do that. You will, however, not go to hell.

Wishing you well on your healing journey Anne-Marie Wiesman

 

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