Fighting against vs surrender

I was a fighter! When my daughter was legally kidnapped right from school by my abuser, I was going to hold signs up and call the newspapers and protest and fight, fight, fight against the family courts and all the injustices that are happening. I was going to go to DC and stand in front of the White House contact every congress man and woman. Everyone was going to hear from me on what was happening. I was going to end it.

Then I heard a person say “you never want to fight against or have a war on anything,” as you will only manifest more of it, because what we focus on expands. That was not exactly what this Irish, as in fighting Irish girl, wanted to hear. With all my feistiness and fire, I was going to change the world. I was not going down without a fight, but there was something in those words that rang true somehow for me. I’m not sure if it was a soul level knowing, but I knew on some level that it was true.

That doesn’t mean my ego, or myself for that matter was able to allow and implement those truths right away. That took time and a whole lot of resistance. I even went to an Abraham Hicks event in Boston and I was going to manifest myself right up on that stage…and I did. I had my question all lined up and ready, then Abraham cut me off and answered my question without it ever even being asked. I cried up on that stage. Which I now know was a good thing. It was a sign of releasing resistance around wanting to “fight.” From then on I knew that when they said “you can’t change anyone else’s experience, especially one that they are needing to have for their lessons they came here to experience.” I knew there was truth in that, as it is said, “Don’t work on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

See I wanted to change the system and fight against it, because I didn’t want anyone else to experience what I went through and the incredible pain of having my child legally taken from me by my abuser.  I was not going to submit to the courts and allow abuse of myself and my children to continue. I would not submit to their forcing me to interact with and do counseling with my abuser, a man I had been divorced from for over 8 years. I was not going to submit to a judge and court personnel controlling my life.

I had custody for 8 years and then after a 2 1/2 year $75,000 court battle, a ruling of Parental Alienation Syndrome was made. I put her on the bus for school on a Tuesday morning and I did not see or speak to her again for 5 torturous months. She was legally kidnapped by her father right from school. No warning, no clothes packed, no goodbyes. It was traumatizing to her, her sister and myself and my husband, her stepfather. I was curled up in a ball on the kitchen floor, sobbing, unable to move when the notice came in the mail that day. That is how I was notified that my abuser now had full and total custody of our child and that I would be unable to see or speak to her. By a notice in the mail. My older daughter came home and found me that way on the kitchen floor. Now my family, that housed, fed and financially  supported my ex husband and helped him do this, wonders why my older daughter wants nothing to do with them. They all celebrated with my ex husband that night that she was taken and then posted pictures all over Facebook. While we were devastated and I was unable to barely move or eat for weeks. They are sick and cruel.

We were nearly destroyed emotionally, physically and financially. This is what Narcissists set out to do, they turn your family against you, they try to turn your children against you, they try to financially ruin you and they try to bring you to the point of a nervous breakdown or suicide by taking your children from you, to have the ultimate approval that they were right.  That “you were the crazy one.” They will try to break you, don’t you dare let them! Surrender! Drop the rope, stop the fight and take back your power. If you are focused on them and all that they are doing and fighting against them, guess what, then they still hold the power over you!

I was not going to submit and it cost me my child, but in return I gained myself and took back power and control over my life and I believe it ultimately saved my life. See, the fighting against doesn’t work. It never has and it never will. After my child was taken I finally surrendered. It nearly broke me. I finally surrendered and it is in the surrender, the individual decision that no one else holds the power in your life but you. The knowing that you can take the power back over your life, but never in the fighting against. If I had kept up the fighting against I would have ended up in jail as many protective mothers do. I would not do well in jail and I’m sure neither would you.

In the surrender I actually was able to take hold of my life for the first time ever. I was so used to being controlled by others and at that point I was being controlled by the family court system. After they took my daughter from me, for the first time ever, I had nothing to lose. My ex took the one thing that he was able to control me with. Once she was gone, the control over me ended. If you have nothing to lose, there is nothing to threaten or control you with. He held control over me for years through the threats that he would take her from me. Once he took her, it was game over. There was nothing to hold over my head any longer. There was nothing left for me to fear. It was done. Finally after 17 years of dealing with him, it was done.

So you see it was actually a gift he gave to me because it gave me my freedom back and the best gift of all that he gave me was to help me see my family for the toxic, cruel, sick people that they are and it got me away from them. I finally broke free from the destructive family ties and destructive energy and abuse that had gone on for generations. The chain finally broke and I was finally free.

The best part of the surrender was that I got to see my daughter again. By my fighting against, she was kept from me, but once I surrendered I had her in my life again. I let him think he won, but he won nothing. I won my freedom and my daughter see’s me and is with me because she wants to be not because she is forced by court order to do so. I never force or control her. He will see that doing that may work until they are 18, but after that they get to choose and you can’t force or control people into loving you.

When I was on the stage at Abraham, I was going to ask, “well what about Martin Luther King he did protests”, but then I remembered that he knew about this concept of surrender and peace, as did Ghandi. There is a difference between peaceful protest and protest. Also, of raising awareness around something and fighting against something. So here is my dream, I have a dream that one day, abuse in any form will not be tolerated by anyone anywhere. That love will overrule hate, that all people, including children, will have the free will that God has given us.

Meanwhile I will take back my personal power by not fighting against and instead surrendering and focusing on myself and what I want for my life, because I am the creator of my life, no one else. No one outside of myself has the power over my life. No one. Including my Narcissitic mother, Narcissistic ex-husband or abusive family. Once I realized that, that is when my life began to change. I now see what I went through with all of them as a blessing. A gift was given to me by them, it was the gift of finding myself and my strength and taking back my power.

Wishing you well on your healing journey. Anne-Marie Wiesman

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