If you are like me, Narcissistic abuse recovery can be two fold. I was raised by a Narcissistic mother and then married a Narcissistic man. The recovery work was very different for each. When it comes to recovery work for dealing with a narcissistic parent their are many stages. I think this quote sums it up very well, “Recovery work for adult children is about love, healing and understanding, not anger, rage or blame. Even though we need to allow ourselves the grief stage which includes these emotions, in the end we are working towards an understanding so that we can stop the legacy of distorted love in our own lives. One of our readers posted this, which was a profound statement and worth repeating: “To hate an NPD is like hating a blind man because he can’t see you.” This is correct, as Narcissistic parents are not capable of loving properly or seeing us for who we really are. Thank you to La Pinta Negra for this thought.” Dr. Karyl McBride.
While this statement refers to recovery of Narcissistic abuse from a parent, it applies to recovery from any Narcissist in our lives. Narcissists are like young children in adult bodies, pouting, throwing temper tantrums, it literally is like dealing with a small child. Trying to figure out a Narcissist is like banging your head against the wall. If something is ever wrong, it’s your fault, because nothing is ever their fault. In their minds eye they are perfect and don’t ever question that. They never get it wrong and nothing is ever there fault, got it? If you do dare question any of the above they will unleash a rage upon that hell hath no fury for.
You will regret that their omnipotence has been questioned and you will be punished, severely punished. For how could you ever question the great and powerful Oz. But alas they are an illusion, a mere coward hiding behind a curtain or in their case mask who is wounded, pathetic, dangerous and as Oz needed to be stopped, so do they. Pull back the curtain, rip off their masks, expose them and take away their power. Because just like Dorothy, ” You had the power all along.” Never forget that.
Narcissists play victim while the real victims are left scratching their heads thinking, “What the hell just happened?” Dealing with a Narcissist is a lesson in futility. Trying to make sense of the Narcissist or what is happening is a crazy making game that the Narcissist is a master at. They are the key master, they hold the key, but you never find the lock. They make up the rules as they go along. It’s a sick and twisted game for them and just when you think you’ve got it right, they change the rules. You can never get it right and that’s the way they want it.
They say jump, you say how high? Like Pavlov’s dog you keep going back for the treat that you may or may not get. They keep giving you just enough so that when you do get it, you feel magnificent like some great honor has been bestowed upon you and just as quickly they pull it away. So back you going try to please, gain acceptance, love, approval, anything as you fall back into the trap. You keep going back for more of that wonderful way that they once made you feel. They suck you in with mind games and manipulations. They get so good at it, that when they do something wrong, you end up blaming yourself for it.
This is a form of psychological abuse. Let me just be clear here, “Abuse is never your fault, you are not responsible for anyone else’s behavior, ever.” The Narcissist wants you to believe you are. Please don’t buy into this, Narcissists want it that way, because it works for them. If everything is your fault, you made them do it, they didn’t do it, or you are the problem they get to maintain their imaginary illusion of grandiosity a well as their belief that they are perfect and everyone else is the problem. Pretty convenient for them, right?
For their victims it’s a living hell. Which can leave them questioning their own sanity and leave them feeling crazy, this is the what Narcissist wants, they want you to feel crazy and even believe you are the crazy one. They also want everyone else to believe you are crazy/psycho and will go to great lengths to convince others that you are.. They will call you crazy/psycho, yet they will still want you as a Narcissistic supply in their life, even if you have spilt. They will continue to seek supply from you or anyone else who has ever been a source indefinitely if you allow it. Please don’t allow it. You can put a stop to it, take back your life and recovery from Narcissistic Abuse. It is possible, please believe in that and in yourself, You can do this!
Wishing you well on your healing journey Anne-Marie Wiesman