Victim, it’s an interesting word. At first it makes you feel validated for the hell you have been through, But later it makes you feel offeneded. I remember thinking “ I’m no victim.”Neither are you my friend. What has happened is horrible, it should not have happened. I’m in no way trying to minimize the very real pain that is experienced in any form of abuse. Especially the insidious forms that leave no bruise or scar on the outside, but tear you to shreds on the inside.
I have however learned that stepping out of the victim role mentality is a huge step in your recovery. A huge step that must be taken if you wish to stop re-creating being victimized. Without this important step in the recovery process you will end up creating the exact same abuser/victim relationships, just with different players. The places and faces may change, but the dynamics will be the same.
This is an important lesson to learn, to stop the re-creation of abusive relationships in your life. You will keep getting the same results, until the lesson is learned. You are a co-creator in it. Once you change that, you change your life, and all the relationships in it. If you want a different life, you have to change the set point at which you currently stand, from victim of life, to a creator of your life. You get to decide how you want your life to be. You decide what you are willing and unwillingly to accept. Once you decide and change your set point, the people that wish to victimize or abuse you will no longer be a match to you. They will fall out of your life and find new victims.
Isn’t it nice to know that you have the power, that you can change this. It’s like in the Wizard of Oz when the good witch says to Dorothy, “You had the power all along.” You did have the power all along, you just didn’t know it and the abusers just didn’t want you too. If you are an adult who is being victimized or abused it is pretty easy to surmise that you were being abused in some form as a child and were taught to believe at a very young age that you had no power, or to give away your power. What better way to gain control over someone else. For survival reasons and because you had to depend on the adults around you, you played along. Most likely you were perfectly trained before your abuser found you. You may as well have had “Victim” stamped on your forehead.
It is not your fault anymore than the abuse as a child, or as an adult was. The abusers set you up as powerless. You start to believe it and the trap is set. This is a learned behavior and the limiting beliefs that you were sold as a child which are a crock of s***. You are not a child anymore. You can change this. You can unlearn what was learned. You can change the underlying beliefs. You do have the power. Once they know that, and you know it, you will truly never be or feel like a victim again. What freedom! You deserve to be free. Life should not feel like prison sentence under someone else’s rule. It is your life. You are the creator of your life no one else. When you know and believe that, you too will truly see that there are no victims here. That you always had the power!
Wishing you well on your healing journey Anne-Marie Wiesman